Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts

Monday, May 25, 2020

Emotional Vipassana


The Emotional Vipassana is a type of meditation that allows you to focus on your feelings/emotions. This practice has been the MOST beneficial for my healing and ascension path. 

Here are the fast and short steps of the meditation process:

1. When the feeling of rage, sadness, depression, or any other trigger appears, go into a safe quiet place and assume a meditation position.

2.Sit with that feeling. Calmly stay there in meditation with your focus completely on that feeling, be present with it, no matter what it is (even if it's a feeling of futility). Take this feeling seriously, it's important, validate it and give it all your attention.

3.Sensations may arise. You may feel a pressure on a part of your body, you may see an image with your mind's eye, you may even hear something in your mind or a memory from your childhood may surface. When this happens, give IT your full attention.

4.Revelations and better understanding will happen. Sometimes just doing these 3 steps are enough for healing/integrating a part of your consciousness.

The process is simple in concept but profound in nature. Below is a detailed explanation (taken and slightly modified from a book called "The Completion Process" by Teal Swan; the text in between commas are quotes taken from the book itself) of the DOs and DON'Ts you need to look out for:

Whenever you experience a strong or uncomfortable emotion or feeling, find a quiet place (or you can do it on the go if you're already familiar with it), close your eyes and sink into the feeling. Familiarize yourself with the unique sensation of that uncomfortable feeling. Ensure that you are unconditionally with that feeling, truly experiencing and observing with without needing it to change. See if you can name that feeling.If thoughts arise, just observe them in a detached way and allow them to be there.Though you can do this process at any time, it's much easier and more impactful when a strong emotion is present. 

Here's how it works:

When we feel pain, we are usually compelled to try and get away from it. Unfortunately we can't escape our emotional pain because it is always within us. We carry it around at all times and the more we try to push it away the more it will hurt and damage us.
It's helpful to think of this pain as a part of your conscious that is trying to let you know they are in some amount of discomfort. In the majority of cases they just want to be noticed, herd and understood. 

By allowing the feeling, listening to it, experiencing it and being completely with it, that part of our consciousness feels understood and is allowed to merge back with us. This usually accompanied by a feeling of bliss, effortless realization and insight. 

This is an important practice because when we have a strong emotional feeling or reaction, it allows us to consider that there must be a good reason to feel that way. In essence, your (negative) emotions are your compass, your guideline for awareness of a broken or rejected part of your consciousness. Without them, we wouldn't be able to find and reintegrate the parts of our soul that got hurt or split off.

We tend to try and escape our negative emotions (sometimes the positive ones too) through many coping mechanisms like: substance addictions, all manner of internet related dependencies, distractions like TV, books, movies, work related or even some friend hangout activities & sports.

"By giving yourself your unconditional attention and presence in the face of uncomfortable emotion, without being in a hurry to get over it, you are giving yourself the unconditional love that you did not get enough of when you were young. This is what is really doing the healing. Nothing on this Earth is more healing than unconditional, focused presence."

During this meditation you might experience sensations in your head or body. These may include: feeling a chest pressure, tingling or mild pain in a part of your body, small audio or tactile hallucinations, a short glimpse of a visual representation in your head, etc. Be on the lookout for when these sensation will arise, they are important.

This is in fact a very positive sign. It means you are doing it correctly. When this happens, the main emotion you were sitting with tends to fade away in favor of the sensation in the body and you need to set your focused attention on the sensation now. Sit with it for no matter how long it takes. Focusing on the feeling might intensify it sometimes, this is also not a bad sign.Eventually, either a memory will arise or you will feel bliss as a result of healing and integrating that part of yourself.

This hasn't happened to me but some people may feel a more extreme version of these sensations. Example: your whole body is expanding or shrinking, your skin is on fire, Lilliputian hallucinations (you might feel minuscule or gigantic and you may see things around you in distorted sizes). Teal recommends that you "breath through these strong sensations and surrender to them with the intention of allowing them to run their coarse. Just let whatever surfaces surface and whatever changes change".

When feelings of futility, numbness, hollowness or even the need to fall asleep arise, be sure to focus on them too. They are no less important. These types of feelings are what I personally like to call 'barrier' or 'wall' feelings. They represent a layer of 'coping' feelings that were put there (by you) to protect you from the much more painful feeling underneath. 

Do not attempt to push through, hit, destroy or any types of brutal reactions against this wall because it will only make it thicker. The only way to get through is to 'sit with the wall'. Focus your attention and unconditional presence on the 'wall' feeling itself for however long it takes and eventually the wall will fade and the real emotion will make itself felt. And if the feeling is the need to fall asleep, let yourself fall asleep. 

Even if you weren't able to get through with the wall that day, you're still chipping at it and next time (or the hundredth time) you might not need to fall asleep anymore. I have personally post-phoned this process on many occasions and whenever the time came to concentrate on that specific feeling again, it was there, exactly the way I left it. 

Sometimes we miss the mark by adding a self made story to the feeling. This happens when we recognize the emotion and our mind plays out a separate scenery/movie. It's like an artificial layer that obscures the real feeling. Here's what Teal was to say about finding the real feeling:  "we want to stay with the sensation of the feeling, not the mental story about it. For example 'I feel unwanted' is a story about a sensation. 'I feel heaviness or buzzing' is a feeling. In order to truly get out of the mental story and into the feeling, try to describe, recognize or notice anything you can about the unique quality of the sensation that belongs to the emotion or the feeling. [...] Familiarize yourself with it. The stronger the emotion is, the easier this will be." That's why it's recommended that you do this practice as soon as a trigger happens.

There are cases when intense physical reactions appear. You might want to cry or your body might start shaking. Don't try to suppress these reactions, allow them to happen and run their coarse while still concentrating on the feeling/sensation. This is just a physical response of our body to the energies that are moving around in it.

You might find yourself going from one emotion to another during this meditation. That's because of something called 'Cover Emotions'. Examples: Anger is a cover for fear; Hatred is a cover for hurt; Desperation is a cover for despair; Numbness is a cover for shock or confusion, etc. 

These are different from the 'wall/barrier feelings' I mentioned above. These emotions are there to try and raise you up to a higher vibrational frequency (happier state). Whereas the 'wall/barrier' feelings are there to completely prohibit you from accessing the feeling underneath/behind them. 

The goal here is actually to find out what's underneath this type of emotions. You can always sit with it until it plays out (or as I endearingly call it 'until it's done ranting') or you can ask yourself 'What's underneath this feeling?'; 'What's below this?'; 'Is there something deeper or more painful there?' and in some cases you might want to start with 'Am I ready to find out what's behind this?'. The 'cover emotion' doesn't hold the actual truth of your trauma so it's necessary to find what's actually underneath it.

"Validate the present feeling, [...] give the emotion or feeling the message that we are completely with it, that we see it as valid, that we care about it, that we are ready to listen, that we want to know what it has to say and that we are fully open and fully receiving it.
This is the validation and unconditional love that we didn't get growing up. [...] This is what we have been wanting all our lives, and to give the gift of validation to ourselves is life changing." 

The validation step is actually the follow-up after the 'Emotional Vipassana' step in Teal's 'Completion Process'. But I have decided to add it here because I personally use the two together in almost every occasion. 

Some tips:

Don't rush it! This will invalidate the emotion and the part of your consciousness. It won't want to even try to integrate with you if you're not giving it the proper attention.

Don't judge it! We are sometimes taught we shouldn't feel one way or another. Or perhaps it's a truly shameful emotion for you. If you want to succeed at this process, it's important not to 'tell it what it should be feeling'. Because it's not interested in changing for you, it' interested in being heard and understood.

Don't force it! I did this mistake where I wanted to get rid of all my problems in a short time. So I sat down to meditate when I didn't feel like it and I tried to meditate on extra things when I didn't actually want to anymore. Your feelings deserve love and care not efficiency.

Do it when you feel good too! I usually focus my attention on doing shadow work (trauma healing) bit it's important to balance with practices that raise your vibration too. The 'Emotional Vipassana' will help you anchor a good feeling into your psyche and after done enough times, you'll find yourself floating in bliss and gratitude for the most part of your waking hours.



This is it for the 'Emotional Vipassana' meditation. If you find that you have trouble feeling your emotions then you'll need to take the precursor step to this practice which is 'Feel your own emotions". It sounds simple but for people & cultures who have spent their lives hiding and running away from their emotions, this is a very difficult practice. If you find yourself in this scenario, the quick tip i have to give you is:

Ask yourself "How do I feel?". Do it every day, many times throughout the day. If you start validating and placing importance on your emotions they will slowly emerge and eventually they'll be quite obvious.



I have been practicing Emotional Vipassana for about a year and it has opened the door for me into my connection with guides & ascendant masters, connection with my higher self, channeling and communicating with other light beings, sharpened intuition, understanding and connecting with other people's emotions and needs, my calling and parts of my life's mission and be a healthy, functional & mature person.


 Best of luck and 'Go sit with it!' 


Wednesday, March 11, 2020

History of my healing process

The beginning of my healing process is uncertain. I could say I've always been interested in psychology and self-help ever since I was a teenager.

Or I could say that it began in 2012 when CoBra's first post about The Event gave me hope. And in turn, this motivated me to begin by developing my intuition.

But in hindsight I can see how I was mostly just tumbling in the darkness, trying to look for answers to my question.

Now that my experience has grown and my awareness has expanded, I can point out the major revelations, events and healing techniques that truly helped.

It's important to mention here that this process would not have unfolded if it wasn't for the many types of motivations that ebbed and flowed along the way:

  • I was motivated to find the truth due to a subconscious need caused by the constant gas-lighting I had from my parents.
  • I was motivated to be a good relationship partner because I was desperate for love, affectionate attention and to have a dependable connection with another human being.
  • I was motivated to find my calling because I have an inexplicable fear of being employed. And though I tried to work as an employee, it felt like slavery and I couldn't sustain it.
  • I am motivated to help others in their path towards emotional health because I'm not exempt from the rest of humankind. Everything that happens anywhere on the planet affects me to some extent. And I truly wish to live in a peaceful and happy world.
(If you are struggling with motivation, don't worry! There will soon be a blog post for that.)

My very first act of true motivation was to save my relationship - from myself (august 2018). I've realized from past experiences with previous relationship partners that co-dependency can ruin everything. So, for the first time, I kept away from my new bf, to protect him and the new relationship. This was a truly agonizing night and morning for me. It could have been avoided if I was aware of the healing techniques I wrote about in this blog.

However painful it was, the event above marked the begging of my dedication to the healing process.

The emotional exchange between the two of us was still crude and harsh at times. Nothing has improved. Even though I had CoBra's words "Women need to become more receptive." ringing in my ears, I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to become a doormat? To allow this emotion-less monster to dominate me? Was I supposed to accept hateful arguments as a woman? It didn't make any sense. Though I tried to be less aggressive in arguments, I can admit that 'pure receptivity/ unconditional love' wasn't within reach for me, in that state.

 I had many blockages against it until one day (late 2018), during a fight, I had a struck of divine inspiration. "Turn the other cheek". In that moment, I chose to ignore my need to dominate and harm my partner and I experimented with the idea of what would happen if I just "take it". So I simply sat still and quiet, allowing him to harm me (with harsh words, there was no physical abuse, just argument) as he wished. I did this with clear intentions to be calm, peaceful and loving. 

The effect was shocking! My boyfriend burst into tears almost instantly and started apologizing for harming me. It showed me that, as opposed to popular belief, men do have emotions, they do care about you and they do try hard to make a relationship work and make you happy. But as any other human being out there, when met with resistance, opposition and aggression, they will react proportionately by defending themselves. It's something we're all aware of and yet we still fight fire with fire. 

Despite that huge breakthrough, I kept having fights and I only used the "turn the other cheek" technique on two more occasions. As powerful as it is, it didn't have lasting effects. Its purpose was only to reveal the deeper, more vulnerable and loving nature of my partner.

A short time after that, I came across this YouTube channel. And for a whole month (~Feb 2019) I spent my time devouring the knowledge and healing trauma after trauma. Even though they were small/micro-traumas, I would find myself at the end of the day feeling exhausted from all the shadow work done on my emotions. 

This learning process was just that. Meant for learning. My relationship dynamic didn't change much and progress was slow and faint. However, it allowed me to understand the inner workings of the psyche, how to identify trauma, know what caused it and what process would be best suited to heal it. This was important because it helped me realize that the majority of people I interact with and may act aggressively due to painful past experiences and they're only ever trying to do what's best for themselves. It may also help you see your enemies in a more compassionate light.

This learning period is still ongoing though at a much slower pace. With more of my own trial and error rather than the teachings of a spiritual leader. Thanks to it, I am now able to identify projection and either avoid it or turn it into a healing experience for the person that is projecting. 

Knowing when you are gas-lit or experiencing projection can be a useful tool. It allows you to identify what problems are your own and what problems others are placing onto you. The most common occurrence is that both you and the person projecting are having a similar trauma and you're both projecting onto each other. Though this, in itself, is not absolutely necessary. It's just a type of awareness that you gain passively through your own emotional healing process.

After the aforementioned month, I participated in this conference. The insight I gained there was far above my understanding. I had to go through a lot more shadow-work before I could apply it. Even though I didn't understand it, I used it as a guideline for how a healed person should look and behave like. 

Unfortunately for me, I tried to force myself to be 'that person'. It's harsh and painful to attempt it, or at the very least that's how it went for me. I felt like I was trampling over my actual needs and wants to become something unreachable and uncertain. I needed something to bridge the difference.

The bridge to my emotional health and salvation was the Emotional Vipassana meditation. This has been THE most successful & results yielding healing technique of my entire life. Have I known this at the beginning of my journey, I could have avoided all of the bumps along the way and I would have been a healthy and functional human being within 1 year of using it. 

I came across it after purchasing and reading this book, which I highly recommend. 
But to make it accessible for everybody, I wrote a sizable blog post for it. 

Using this technique opened the door for me into: understanding and managing my emotions, doing parts work, hearing and following my guides, channelling, connecting and communicating with my higher self, high levels of consciousness, understanding the knowledge shared at the conference and applying it, etc.

This process would have lasted less than a year if I wasn't indulging in gaming and procrastination addictions. So the next major step I took was the Technology detox. Thanks to it I managed to find my calling and start working in approximately two months.

Many epiphanies and uncomfortable revelations happened for me along the way. This journey was not without its ups and downs. But thanks to my sustained efforts, I rose from the shadows to touch the light.

I started from a point where I was suffering from depression, co-dependency, self-deprecation, numbness to a wide range of emotions, self-isolation tendencies, gaming and procrastination addictions, lack of direction in life and malicious hate for men.

Now, when I compare who I used to be with what I've become, I realize that I was a wonderful and love-worthy person at my core, but I could never have seen it due to the mounds of trauma, weighing me down like trapping nets.

I have managed to release coping mechanisms and denial,  cut off my dependence on digital media, eliminate harshness and judgment; whilst becoming able to connect to my soul, intuition, guides, be honest and sincere with myself, learn to cooperate and achieve character nobility. 

The actual change itself was never obvious at the moment. This is why spiritual masters say that it takes time for changes in the higher dimensions to take effect on our material plane. 

I have many more healing techniques and epiphanies to impart here. You will find the most useful information in their own dedicated blog posts. 



May my experience aid you on your path. Best of luck!

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Edit 1: I realized that I misunderstood CoBra's words. He didn't say "Women need to become more receptive.", that was a false memory I had. What he did say is "If you are female and have reached pure receptivity, you will attract pure masculine energy in your life and vice-versa.". 
In my situation, it was a bad idea to attempt to reach pure receptivity because I was already too lenient. In my case I needed to first develop healthy boundaries, learn to say no!
Learning to say no was the first and most impactful step I took towards feeling less powerless and towards free will.
What Cobra did recommend for women to do as a healthy practice was: "Females need to express their sexual energy by themselves, without anybody around." which is something that is in alignment with the concept of free will mentioned above, albeit a lot scarier to start with. I haven't gotten around to doing it myself either. It's because it frightens me to be awkward or cringy.