How to find your calling

Your calling is that activity that you're most passionate about. An activity or a craft that you are able to sustain for many hours, into the night, skipping meals and forgetting about the world and its time. As opposed to most other activities, it does not deplete you, it makes you feel energized and invigorated instead.

It can be anything from any type of art to having a green thumb, being good at maths or managing stock exchanges. There is no limit to how big or small your passion can be.

Our calling usually shows up sometime during our childhood, when we're especially attracted to a particular activity. Our talents and innate wants are usually shaped to enable us to carry it out.

Your calling is different than your life purpose. It is often used to accomplish your life purpose but it's not always necessary to be a part of it. The purpose of your life is something you want, while the calling is something that stems from an innate desire that you're born with.

The most famous thing that keeps us from finding our calling is 'I Have To Do'.

• "I feel like painting this beautiful landscape I'm thinking of but I have to tidy my desk first."
• "I feel inspired to write a story but I have to work on building a website instead. It's more important because the website will eventually yield money and the story won't."
• "I feel like I'd want to spend my days being a horse trainer but I have to work in this cubicle for my boss instead because it's risky to search for another job."

How to find your calling:

The key here is to always do what you feel like doing.

This is easier said than done. First, you must be able to perceive what you really feel like doing.

Gaming and procrastinating addictions stand in the way. If you find yourself in a technology detox or keeping away from any addiction, there's a craving period that your body and your psyche need to surpass. The craving will grow, it will reach a peak and then fade away with less and less reminders.

Being unable to feel your own emotions or treating them superficially and dismissive is counterproductive. And then there's a vast array of fears and traumas that can make us stray off our path. You can see how it's difficult to become a wood sculpture if you're afraid of splinters, sharp objects or you hate the idea of making a mess in your living space.

That's why the first step is to do Emotional Vipassana. This will allow you to reconnect with deeper levels of emotions, express & validate them, eliminate traumas, etc. During your search, you'll likely encounter blockages like apathy, lack of motivation or even bursts of rage for certain subjects. These are blockages that prohibit our advance. Emotional Vipassana and The Completion Process are, in my experience, the best two methods of removing these blockages.

In spite of the numbness to our emotions, some feelings still come through.
Sudden sparks of inspiration still happen and when it does, make sure you capitalize on it. Drop everything! You have only 5 seconds to decide! If you don't start within the 5 seconds mark, you'll lose the passion, the energy, the 'hype'.

Ask yourself "What do I feel like doing?" the answer needs to come from within. In most cases it's faint but the deeper you go into your emotions the more you'll be able to sense.

The things that you feel like doing may include washing dishes, watering plants, going on a random walk outside to a place you don't necessarily care about, starting a novel or painting even though you never painted or written before, etc. Don't judge the feeling, allow it to be expressed no matter how seemingly insignificant it may be.

Don't be afraid to start doing things you're not passionate about. Similar to how remembering dreams works, the more attention and effort you put into the small things, the more obvious that whole layer of yourself will become.

Reject 'Have-To's. We distract ourselves with things we think are more important. This is a folly. It's also an addictive habitual behaviour and it's hard to dispose of. There's no limit to how many things we think we should do instead. We also tend to put our needs and wants aside, believing that there are more important or useful things we should attend to.' Have-To's are probably the biggest detriment to our search for our calling. This is when responsibility gets in the way of our individual happiness. Stop putting yourself aside,

If you can't sense what you really feel like doing, you can start something that you don't want to do. If you remember being in school or doing homework, whenever you'd be in the middle of that activity it would be easy to determine how many other things you'd rather be doing.

Sometimes what you feel like doing seems so scary and out of the ordinary, you'll likely avoid it completely. You don't need to undertake that frightening activity, no matter how small or big it is but if you do, you'll have the biggest and most revealing epiphanies. This situation shows up for us to attempt a huge leap into breaking our habits and to step into a new and better life. Sometimes this is too frightening so you can postpone it and take it slow by consciously heading towards breaking those bad habits.

A simple example of the above situation can be when you've never took a ride with your car for no real reason. This simple act of driving your car to a known or unknown area can be extremely frightening for some people. We start to mentalize the drawbacks of wasting gas money, having to leave the comfort of our house and what could be so important over in that part of town anyway? There's no limit to how much insight you can gain during this simple adventure and I highly recommend you take it when it comes to you.

Sometimes your calling may require you to invest a bit of will power. Writing and drawing take practice and dedication. Sometimes it's a good idea to join a community that will encourage and inspire you to partake in that activity. And if that is not it, then you'll feel like you don't belong or that the people there are crazy and masochistic for engaging in this tedious activity. Every item scratched off your list is a step forward to the real thing.

Don't be fooled by physical or mental disabilities. Your calling can seem counterintuitive to your condition. Our condition is either made up or easily avoidable. There are wood sculptors that only have one finger on each hand or guitar players with no arms and they have found success despite their disability. There are amazing novel writers and painters that initially thought they were uncreative characters or it simply didn't make sense that they would be artistic since they're much better at maths. Your calling might just be something nobody else has ever thought of. Always keep your mind open.

Finally, have faith and patience. Your true calling might show up after you thought you've found it. Or it may reveal itself easily after you removed a certain trauma. Even after you found it, you may still have doubt that this is the one. That's ok, it just means stress and fear is blocking the way.
And you can tell when something is not your calling because you end up feeling drained and sick of doing it. Tidying the room and washing the dishes will seem to become more important during this undesired activity.



If you've chosen to go on this search, I personally thank you from the bottom of my heart. Each and every one of us has a place in the world with a vocation that we should have been doing. Our societies suffer because people pursue activities they're unhappy or unfulfilled with. There's no better gain for a community than when the most talented and skilful people do what they truly love.

Imagine a world where every baker, gardener, doctor, judge, politician, mechanic and artist are doing their job because they are passionate about it. Our quality of life would improve a thousandfold when everything we see, consume or use is always the highest excellency it can possibly be.




Finding yourself is a service you provide for the world! So what do you feel like doing?

Positive focus 🔃 Shadow work

There seems to be a debate in the emotional health community about which one is absolutely necessary and which one you should discard. I'm going to talk about my personal experience with both here.

Positive focus

Is a necessary part of our healing practices. 

It refers to making a conscious effort of paying attention to the positive things in life. As we go on with our life we can't help but fall in the trap of noticing everything that upsets us. We likely end up complaining about it too. This mentality is straining for both our psyche and eventually our bodies. Sadly we've gotten so accustomed to it that the long term effects go unnoticed. Not to mention that there's a multitude of situations which cause us greater harm and they overshadow our general state of being. 

Positive focus also plays a big role in the practices of manifestation or the law of attraction.

There are many ways you can use Positive focus to improve your emotional and mental well being. Just like the room, house, job, garden or any other environment, we spend the majority of our time in, our thoughts and emotions influence us on a subtle level. Would you prefer to be surrounded by beautiful art or bags of garbage? If you surround yourself in garbage and ignore the fact that it's there for a long enough time, it will soon start to affect your mood. And of course, knowing humans, instead of putting in the effort to remove the garbage, we tend to add more to it. 

Admittedly, it's much easier to pick up a garbage bag and walk over to the nearest bin to dump it in than it is to change the fleeting immaterial thoughts buzzing through our head. However, it's still very much possible and here are a few ways you can go about it.

Meditation. I encountered a big problem when it comes to focusing during meditation but the Emotional Vipassana was one of the only meditations that I could undertake successfully. So what I did is to wait for a feeling of calmness, happiness and serenity to come to me randomly and when it did I sat down and focused my attention onto it. By doing this I overshot any other positive focus practices by miles! It's extremely effective both short and long term. 

Training. I made an effort to change the habit of the complaint and noticing only the bad in any situation. I would catch my negative thoughts in action and either ignore them by changing the subject completely or replace them with a focus on the appealing aspects of said situation. I think it's worth mentioning here that finding commonalities between you and people you don't always agree with is a very powerful technique in creating long-lasting bonds, good friends or simply a better understanding of them which leads to social harmony.

Discarding environmental factors. What type of YouTube videos are you watching? Are you spending time with dramatic friend groups? What about those TV/alternative media news you can't live without? Having a continuous flow of negative vibes sets you back, to say the least. Any positive focus practices you're trying to achieve will be cancelled out by that one 'bad news' post on your favourite Facebook group. These are all distractions and procrastination, it keeps us stuck in a powerless mentality. You don't need them.

Pampering. Good food, good music, good long baths, etc. Don't mistreat yourself by avoiding these needs when they arise. I often cool down my stressful thoughts by listening to those 3-hour long Zen music videos on YouTube. (one of my favourites: 528 ➤ Emotional stability)

There is a point where Positive focus can be detrimental to you. 

To understand this, you need to know what coping mechanisms are. In my experience, forcing myself to stay positive during a negative situation or trigger is painful. I would not recommend this attitude to anybody, it's extremely harmful on many levels. 

The only positive thing I've done during one of my darkest moments in life was to decide, for the near future, to strive towards a happy life instead of sinking deeper into sadness and depression. This happened only once in my life and it, itself was very painful. 

Also, I've found that attempting to progress towards a healthy state using just positive focus won't take you too far. Inevitably you'll reach a wall you can't go through. That wall is a trauma, a part of your conscious that got split off from you (likely during your childhood) that needs to be heard, understood and re-integrated. 

No amount of positive focus can ever bulldoze through that wall because it's done for the (negative) reason for ignoring somebody that's in pain. This is why Shadow work is essential.

Shadow work

Is a necessary part of our healing practices. 

It is the practice of noticing, paying attention and healing the negative aspects of yourself and your traumas. Sometimes this practice refers to healing a situation that is outside of yourself, much like purging an energy vortex or healing another person. 

It's similar to deciding to start cleaning up the trash in your living space. 

This practice has nothing to do with focusing on the negative, as is our habit. It helps us notice the cause of the negative and heal or eliminate it. 

I am most accustomed to this practice. I've been using it for many years before I found what the actual term for it was. My early attempts were less successful and didn't have long-lasting result but I believe they're worth mentioning:

The brick at the bottom of the wall. It refers to discovering the root cause of an emotional problem and understanding how it came to be, without doing much else. This used to be my most common practice. I would spend hours upon hours attempting to discover the origins of my emotional problems. Without the proper knowledge, my guesses would be either superficial or hit-and-miss. This method is now obsolete by comparison to the one below.

Emotional Vipassana. As opposed to the practice above, this one sheds intense focus on the emotional issue. Darkness cannot exist where there's light. Your consciousness is the light! And when you focus all of your conscious attention on something that's 'dark' within you, it has no choice but to dissipate. If done properly, the trauma is completely healed. This has been my silver bullet for the last 2-3 years and none of the traumas ever returned, but you will find that each trauma you tackle has many different aspects and facets. This process heals each individual facet at a time. 

The completion process. This is an even more powerful tool that extends from the one above. It is capable of healing the worst of mental illnesses out there, including PTSD, BPD, DID, etc. The worst I ever had was depression so I can't say much about it. However, I have had the chance to use it a few times in my life and they were all very positive and blissful healing experiences.

Is there a point where shadow work can be detrimental to you?

In my experience: No. Not really. The only negative incident I had with it was at one point, about a year ago, when I felt absolutely exhausted for doing it too much. But, as the term states, it is indeed 'work'. And like with any other activity, too much of it can become exhausting.
It was my own fault for not offering myself enough time in between sessions. I was rushing to get EVERYTHING wrong within me fixed in the smallest amount of time possible. However, the lack of positive focus can keep you in a lower vibration than you could be. Shadow work has it's own moments of bliss, after the removal of each trauma, but it alone is not enough to propel you upwards in the vibration scale.

There have been people that refuse to do Shadow work in favour of a strict positive focus diet. When it comes to Parts work this avoidance behaviour can be a crime. You'd literally be ignoring and avoiding your "inner child" while they are in a deep state of pain. That part of you or that child needs a specific kind of healing that you can't provide if you refuse to listen to his/her actual strife and needs.

Conclusion

Like Yin and Yang, you need both. 

Thankfully, Shadow work is only useful if you have 'shadows'. All humans have a limited amount of traumas. It may not seem that way because as soon as we start this practice it would seem as though the flood gates have opened. You'll feel like there is no end in sight and they are just too many problems for one individual human being.
But I can promise you from my experience that there is a point where you'll find fewer and fewer traumas to overcome and your life has reached a moderately happy state of being. From here on your energy will be spent predominantly on positive focus.

Be mindful of your moods. Don't force shadow work when you need to rest or bathe in good vibes and don't force yourself to stay positive when you feel like something negative within you wants to come to the surface. Being in alignment with yourself is crucial in all circumstances.

Good luck and take care of yourself!

Emotional Vipassana

The Emotional Vipassana is a type of meditation that allows you to focus on your feelings/emotions. This practice has been the MOST beneficial for my healing and ascension path. 

Here are the fast and short steps of the meditation process:

1. When the feeling of rage, sadness, depression, or any other trigger appears, go into a safe quiet place and assume a meditation position.

2.Sit with that feeling. Calmly stay there in meditation with your focus completely on that feeling, be present with it, no matter what it is (even if it's a feeling of futility). Take this feeling seriously, it's important, validate it and give it all your attention.

3.Sensations may arise. You may feel a pressure on a part of your body, you may see an image with your mind's eye, you may even hear something in your mind or a memory from your childhood may surface. When this happens, give IT your full attention.

4.Revelations and better understanding will happen. Sometimes just doing these 3 steps are enough for healing/integrating a part of your consciousness.

The process is simple in concept but profound in nature. Below is a detailed explanation (taken and slightly modified from a book called "The Completion Process" by Teal Swan; the text in between commas are quotes taken from the book itself) of the DOs and DON'Ts you need to look out for:

Whenever you experience a strong or uncomfortable emotion or feeling, find a quiet place (or you can do it on the go if you're already familiar with it), close your eyes and sink into the feeling. Familiarize yourself with the unique sensation of that uncomfortable feeling. Ensure that you are unconditionally with that feeling, truly experiencing and observing with without needing it to change. See if you can name that feeling.If thoughts arise, just observe them in a detached way and allow them to be there.Though you can do this process at any time, it's much easier and more impactful when a strong emotion is present. 

Here's how it works:

When we feel pain, we are usually compelled to try and get away from it. Unfortunately we can't escape our emotional pain because it is always within us. We carry it around at all times and the more we try to push it away the more it will hurt and damage us.
It's helpful to think of this pain as a part of your conscious that is trying to let you know they are in some amount of discomfort. In the majority of cases they just want to be noticed, herd and understood. 

By allowing the feeling, listening to it, experiencing it and being completely with it, that part of our consciousness feels understood and is allowed to merge back with us. This usually accompanied by a feeling of bliss, effortless realization and insight. 

This is an important practice because when we have a strong emotional feeling or reaction, it allows us to consider that there must be a good reason to feel that way. In essence, your (negative) emotions are your compass, your guideline for awareness of a broken or rejected part of your consciousness. Without them, we wouldn't be able to find and reintegrate the parts of our soul that got hurt or split off.

We tend to try and escape our negative emotions (sometimes the positive ones too) through many coping mechanisms like: substance addictions, all manner of internet related dependencies, distractions like TV, books, movies, work related or even some friend hangout activities & sports.

"By giving yourself your unconditional attention and presence in the face of uncomfortable emotion, without being in a hurry to get over it, you are giving yourself the unconditional love that you did not get enough of when you were young. This is what is really doing the healing. Nothing on this Earth is more healing than unconditional, focused presence."

During this meditation you might experience sensations in your head or body. These may include: feeling a chest pressure, tingling or mild pain in a part of your body, small audio or tactile hallucinations, a short glimpse of a visual representation in your head, etc. Be on the lookout for when these sensation will arise, they are important.

This is in fact a very positive sign. It means you are doing it correctly. When this happens, the main emotion you were sitting with tends to fade away in favor of the sensation in the body and you need to set your focused attention on the sensation now. Sit with it for no matter how long it takes. Focusing on the feeling might intensify it sometimes, this is also not a bad sign.Eventually, either a memory will arise or you will feel bliss as a result of healing and integrating that part of yourself.

This hasn't happened to me but some people may feel a more extreme version of these sensations. Example: your whole body is expanding or shrinking, your skin is on fire, Lilliputian hallucinations (you might feel minuscule or gigantic and you may see things around you in distorted sizes). Teal recommends that you "breath through these strong sensations and surrender to them with the intention of allowing them to run their coarse. Just let whatever surfaces surface and whatever changes change".

When feelings of futility, numbness, hollowness or even the need to fall asleep arise, be sure to focus on them too. They are no less important. These types of feelings are what I personally like to call 'barrier' or 'wall' feelings. They represent a layer of 'coping' feelings that were put there (by you) to protect you from the much more painful feeling underneath. 

Do not attempt to push through, hit, destroy or any types of brutal reactions against this wall because it will only make it thicker. The only way to get through is to 'sit with the wall'. Focus your attention and unconditional presence on the 'wall' feeling itself for however long it takes and eventually the wall will fade and the real emotion will make itself felt. And if the feeling is the need to fall asleep, let yourself fall asleep. 

Even if you weren't able to get through with the wall that day, you're still chipping at it and next time (or the hundredth time) you might not need to fall asleep anymore. I have personally post-phoned this process on many occasions and whenever the time came to concentrate on that specific feeling again, it was there, exactly the way I left it. 

Sometimes we miss the mark by adding a self made story to the feeling. This happens when we recognize the emotion and our mind plays out a separate scenery/movie. It's like an artificial layer that obscures the real feeling. Here's what Teal was to say about finding the real feeling:  "we want to stay with the sensation of the feeling, not the mental story about it. For example 'I feel unwanted' is a story about a sensation. 'I feel heaviness or buzzing' is a feeling. In order to truly get out of the mental story and into the feeling, try to describe, recognize or notice anything you can about the unique quality of the sensation that belongs to the emotion or the feeling. [...] Familiarize yourself with it. The stronger the emotion is, the easier this will be." That's why it's recommended that you do this practice as soon as a trigger happens.

There are cases when intense physical reactions appear. You might want to cry or your body might start shaking. Don't try to suppress these reactions, allow them to happen and run their coarse while still concentrating on the feeling/sensation. This is just a physical response of our body to the energies that are moving around in it.

You might find yourself going from one emotion to another during this meditation. That's because of something called 'Cover Emotions'. Examples: Anger is a cover for fear; Hatred is a cover for hurt; Desperation is a cover for despair; Numbness is a cover for shock or confusion, etc. 

These are different from the 'wall/barrier feelings' I mentioned above. These emotions are there to try and raise you up to a higher vibrational frequency (happier state). Whereas the 'wall/barrier' feelings are there to completely prohibit you from accessing the feeling underneath/behind them. 

The goal here is actually to find out what's underneath this type of emotions. You can always sit with it until it plays out (or as I endearingly call it 'until it's done ranting') or you can ask yourself 'What's underneath this feeling?'; 'What's below this?'; 'Is there something deeper or more painful there?' and in some cases you might want to start with 'Am I ready to find out what's behind this?'. The 'cover emotion' doesn't hold the actual truth of your trauma so it's necessary to find what's actually underneath it.

"Validate the present feeling, [...] give the emotion or feeling the message that we are completely with it, that we see it as valid, that we care about it, that we are ready to listen, that we want to know what it has to say and that we are fully open and fully receiving it.

This is the validation and unconditional love that we didn't get growing up. [...] This is what we have been wanting all our lives, and to give the gift of validation to ourselves is life changing." 

The validation step is actually the follow-up after the 'Emotional Vipassana' step in Teal's 'Completion Process'. But I have decided to add it here because I personally use the two together in almost every occasion. 

Some tips:

Don't rush it! This will invalidate the emotion and the part of your consciousness. It won't want to even try to integrate with you if you're not giving it the proper attention.

Don't judge it! We are sometimes taught we shouldn't feel one way or another. Or perhaps it's a truly shameful emotion for you. If you want to succeed at this process, it's important not to 'tell it what it should be feeling'. Because it's not interested in changing for you, it' interested in being heard and understood.

Don't force it! I did this mistake where I wanted to get rid of all my problems in a short time. So I sat down to meditate when I didn't feel like it and I tried to meditate on extra things when I didn't actually want to anymore. Your feelings deserve love and care not efficiency.

Do it when you feel good too! I usually focus my attention on doing shadow work (trauma healing) bit it's important to balance with practices that raise your vibration too. The 'Emotional Vipassana' will help you anchor a good feeling into your psyche and after done enough times, you'll find yourself floating in bliss and gratitude for the most part of your waking hours.

This is it for the 'Emotional Vipassana' meditation. If you find that you have trouble feeling your emotions then you'll need to take the precursor step to this practice which is 'Feel your own emotions". It sounds simple but for people & cultures who have spent their lives hiding and running away from their emotions, this is a very difficult practice. If you find yourself in this scenario, the quick tip i have to give you is:

Ask yourself "How do I feel?". Do it every day, many times throughout the day. If you start validating and placing importance on your emotions they will slowly emerge and eventually they'll be quite obvious.

I have been practicing Emotional Vipassana for about a year and it has opened the door for me into my connection with guides & ascendant masters, connection with my higher self, channeling and communicating with other light beings, sharpened intuition, understanding and connecting with other people's emotions and needs, my calling and parts of my life's mission and be a healthy, functional & mature person.

 Best of luck and 'Go sit with it!' 

Technology Detox

What is a technology detox?

As the name suggests, it represents a detoxification process from the technological items in our life that create a dependency. This includes your Smartphone, your personal computer, television and perhaps even radio.

How long do I have to do it for?

The period I needed to spend on it was about two and a half months. But depending on your particular case, it may take more or less for you to achieve positive results.

You will know you've reached a goal when you open a Youtube video that spiked your curiosity and then you feel like you can't stand watching the full length of it. You may or may not get annoyed at it and feel an uncomfortable pressure in your chest if you force yourself to watch the full length.

Why should I do it?

There are a multitude of benefits you can gain from it but here are some: finding your calling, reconnecting with your psyche, soul or higher self, balancing your dopamine levels to a healthy standard, getting work or projects done faster and with better results, reconnecting and appreciating nature, your passions, your relationships, improved focus, healthier habits, fulfillment and enjoyment of life, etc.

Dopamine ... ?

Dopamine is known as the feel-good neurotransmitter. The brain releases it when we eat food that we crave or when we get random or unexpected rewards, contributing to feelings of pleasure and satisfaction as part of the reward system.

In essence, it makes us desire things.

Our dependence on technology is in part caused by an unnaturally high amount of dopamine intake, which makes our body build tolerance and just like with alcohol addictions, you need more and more to feel satisfied while the low dopamine types of activities no longer interest you.

What am I supposed to do during this time?!

The most important and useful thing you can do is Emotional Vipassana.

But you can also develop a new hobby, indulge in your passion, paint, write, sing, dance, cook, meditate, spend quality time with your partner etc. Reading books can be addictive so be weary of that.

It depends on your goal.

If you want to find you calling, make it a point to only do what you really feel like doing. There will be a whole blog post dedicated to finding your calling here.
If you want to improve your relationships, invest more time in activities and communications with your partner, child, neighbor, etc. Though be cautious with how much time you invest with friends, some people can become addicted to meeting with their friend group and it wold cancel out the detox itself by replacing one addiction with another.
I advice that you spend time in nature: take a walk in the park or the nearest forest; tend to your garden or pot plants inside your apartment, take a trip to the mountains or the seaside.
The most important and useful thing you can do is Emotional Vipassana.

Can I just take a peek at what my friends on social media/discord/gaming server are doing?

No, not even one. This will set back your progress to 0.

How did it go for you?

One day I woke up determined to stop unhealthy procrastination habits so I closed my PC and sat on the couch for a long while. I didn't do much at all that day or the next. I had a few sessions of what I call 'boredom drunkenness' or 'the sillies' which was entertaining.

My main goal was to find my calling so I sat and thought about what I really feel like doing. I had some difficulty with it but as the cravings reached their peak and faded away, what I actually felt like doing became more and more obvious.

At first I started oil-painting. Then I took a long and pleasant walk into a new area of a forest, that I haven't been to before and came back home with a ragged piece of half-rotten log. I felt like sculpting it so I ordered small chisels online which arrived ~5 days later. During those 5 days I painted, draw, meditated, cooked, cleaned the house and other chores. Once the chisels arrived I was excited to try them so it was easy for me to start woodcarving but I kept up the other activities as well.

The whole 2.5 months were spent like that until one day I had the obvious revelation of my calling.

That's when I finally turned the PC back on.

Is there anything dangerous that I should be aware of before I start?

Yes: If you don't start soon, the precious time of your life will be wasted on trivialities and entertainment.



Phones off and Good luck!

History of my healing process

The beginning of my healing process is uncertain. I could say I've always been interested in psychology and self-help ever since I was a teenager.

Or I could say that it began in 2012 when CoBra's first post about The Event gave me hope. And in turn, this motivated me to begin by developing my intuition.

But in hindsight I can see how I was mostly just tumbling in the darkness, trying to look for answers to my question.

Now that my experience has grown and my awareness has expanded, I can point out the major revelations, events and healing techniques that truly helped.

It's important to mention here that this process would not have unfolded if it wasn't for the many types of motivations that ebbed and flowed along the way:

• I was motivated to find the truth due to a subconscious need caused by the constant gas-lighting I had from my parents.
• I was motivated to be a good relationship partner because I was desperate for love, affectionate attention and to have a dependable connection with another human being.
• I was motivated to find my calling because I have an inexplicable fear of being employed. And though I tried to work as an employee, it felt like slavery and I couldn't sustain it.
• I am motivated to help others in their path towards emotional health because I'm not exempt from the rest of humankind. Everything that happens anywhere on the planet affects me to some extent. And I truly wish to live in a peaceful and happy world.

(If you are struggling with motivation, don't worry! There will soon be a blog post for that.)

My very first act of true motivation was to save my relationship - from myself (august 2018). I've realized from past experiences with previous relationship partners that co-dependency can ruin everything. So, for the first time, I kept away from my new bf, to protect him and the new relationship. This was a truly agonizing night and morning for me. It could have been avoided if I was aware of the healing techniques I wrote about in this blog.

However painful it was, the event above marked the begging of my dedication to the healing process.

The emotional exchange between the two of us was still crude and harsh at times. Nothing has improved. Even though I had CoBra's words "Women need to become more receptive." ringing in my ears, I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to become a doormat? To allow this emotion-less monster to dominate me? Was I supposed to accept hateful arguments as a woman? It didn't make any sense. Though I tried to be less aggressive in arguments, I can admit that 'pure receptivity/ unconditional love' wasn't within reach for me, in that state.

 I had many blockages against it until one day (late 2018), during a fight, I had a struck of divine inspiration. "Turn the other cheek". In that moment, I chose to ignore my need to dominate and harm my partner and I experimented with the idea of what would happen if I just "take it". So I simply sat still and quiet, allowing him to harm me (with harsh words, there was no physical abuse, just argument) as he wished. I did this with clear intentions to be calm, peaceful and loving. 

The effect was shocking! My boyfriend burst into tears almost instantly and started apologizing for harming me. It showed me that, as opposed to popular belief, men do have emotions, they do care about you and they do try hard to make a relationship work and make you happy. But as any other human being out there, when met with resistance, opposition and aggression, they will react proportionately by defending themselves. It's something we're all aware of and yet we still fight fire with fire. 

Despite that huge breakthrough, I kept having fights and I only used the "turn the other cheek" technique on two more occasions. As powerful as it is, it didn't have lasting effects. Its purpose was only to reveal the deeper, more vulnerable and loving nature of my partner.

A short time after that, I came across this YouTube channel. And for a whole month (~Feb 2019) I spent my time devouring the knowledge and healing trauma after trauma. Even though they were small/micro-traumas, I would find myself at the end of the day feeling exhausted from all the shadow work done on my emotions. 

This learning process was just that. Meant for learning. My relationship dynamic didn't change much and progress was slow and faint. However, it allowed me to understand the inner workings of the psyche, how to identify trauma, know what caused it and what process would be best suited to heal it. This was important because it helped me realize that the majority of people I interact with and may act aggressively due to painful past experiences and they're only ever trying to do what's best for themselves. It may also help you see your enemies in a more compassionate light.

This learning period is still ongoing though at a much slower pace. With more of my own trial and error rather than the teachings of a spiritual leader. Thanks to it, I am now able to identify projection and either avoid it or turn it into a healing experience for the person that is projecting. 

Knowing when you are gas-lit or experiencing projection can be a useful tool. It allows you to identify what problems are your own and what problems others are placing onto you. The most common occurrence is that both you and the person projecting are having a similar trauma and you're both projecting onto each other. Though this, in itself, is not absolutely necessary. It's just a type of awareness that you gain passively through your own emotional healing process.

After the aforementioned month, I participated in this conference. The insight I gained there was far above my understanding. I had to go through a lot more shadow-work before I could apply it. Even though I didn't understand it, I used it as a guideline for how a healed person should look and behave like. 

Unfortunately for me, I tried to force myself to be 'that person'. It's harsh and painful to attempt it, or at the very least that's how it went for me. I felt like I was trampling over my actual needs and wants to become something unreachable and uncertain. I needed something to bridge the difference.

The bridge to my emotional health and salvation was the Emotional Vipassana meditation. This has been THE most successful & results yielding healing technique of my entire life. Have I known this at the beginning of my journey, I could have avoided all of the bumps along the way and I would have been a healthy and functional human being within 1 year of using it. 

I came across it after purchasing and reading this book, which I highly recommend. 

But to make it accessible for everybody, I wrote a sizable blog post for it. 

Using this technique opened the door for me into: understanding and managing my emotions, doing parts work, hearing and following my guides, channelling, connecting and communicating with my higher self, high levels of consciousness, understanding the knowledge shared at the conference and applying it, etc.

This process would have lasted less than a year if I wasn't indulging in gaming and procrastination addictions. So the next major step I took was the Technology detox. Thanks to it I managed to find my calling and start working in approximately two months.

Many epiphanies and uncomfortable revelations happened for me along the way. This journey was not without its ups and downs. But thanks to my sustained efforts, I rose from the shadows to touch the light.

I started from a point where I was suffering from depression, co-dependency, self-deprecation, numbness to a wide range of emotions, self-isolation tendencies, gaming and procrastination addictions, lack of direction in life and malicious hate for men.

Now, when I compare who I used to be with what I've become, I realize that I was a wonderful and love-worthy person at my core, but I could never have seen it due to the mounds of trauma, weighing me down like trapping nets.

I have managed to release coping mechanisms and denial,  cut off my dependence on digital media, eliminate harshness and judgment; whilst becoming able to connect to my soul, intuition, guides, be honest and sincere with myself, learn to cooperate and achieve character nobility. 

The actual change itself was never obvious at the moment. This is why spiritual masters say that it takes time for changes in the higher dimensions to take effect on our material plane. 

I have many more healing techniques and epiphanies to impart here. You will find the most useful information in their own dedicated blog posts. 

May my experience aid you on your path. Best of luck!

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Edit 1: I realized that I misunderstood CoBra's words. He didn't say "Women need to become more receptive.", that was a false memory I had. What he did say is "If you are female and have reached pure receptivity, you will attract pure masculine energy in your life and vice-versa.". 
In my situation, it was a bad idea to attempt to reach pure receptivity because I was already too lenient. In my case I needed to first develop healthy boundaries, learn to say no!
Learning to say no was the first and most impactful step I took towards feeling less powerless and towards free will.
What Cobra did recommend for women to do as a healthy practice was: "Females need to express their sexual energy by themselves, without anybody around." which is something that is in alignment with the concept of free will mentioned above, albeit a lot scarier to start with. I haven't gotten around to doing it myself either. It's because it frightens me to be awkward or cringy. 

The purpose of this blog

This blog was originally created for myself to record the important milestones of my healing and ascension process. As the title may suggest I chose the path of truth and honesty for my ascension process.

Now it is dedicated to you, the reader. 

You will find here advice, emotional healing methods and my experience - depicted in a way that is meant to help you on your own path towards health and ascension. 

Everything written here is taken from my own personal experience, which means that all the techniques and practices have been proven to yield positive and useful results for me. The information that I haven't had the chance to understand and apply yet will be stated as such. 

Due to the limited nature of this medium, I can't write everything down. Feel free to ask for clarifications in the comments. Either in regards to the blog post or your personal situation. I am delighted to help and I will answer when I can.

May the information on this blog inspire and serve you!